A Demon We’ve Got To Live With
*Trigger warning: mental health
This past week was the Mental Health Awareness Week. A lot of people have this invisible heavy bag constantly loaded on their backs. It's very important to recognise and acknowledge it when you or people around you are struggling mentally, and seek for help. Mental health issues don't tend to go away easily or completely, but gradually you also learn how to navigate through daily life while carrying this baggage. For someone who on and off suffers from little or longer episodes of depression and anxiety, I just want to share a poem I wrote a while back that documented a tiny episode. It was from this one time when it just jumped out and hit me when I was in a supermarket.
***
Do you sometimes feel your heartbeat
all of a sudden?
Some stronger
Some weaker
1,
2, 3,
4, 5, 6,
7,
8
Irregular
That’s why I’m feeling it
The demon is here
It’s never away
Always here
Hidden somewhere
Under the laughters
Sensing the moment of me being alone
Captures it
Strikes a hit
Without a notice
It recognises the seconds
when my head wanders away from the crowd
Squeezes in
Sets a screen
Travels down to my belly
Leaves me standing in a Sainsbury’s
losing appetite for everything
Yet I’m here
I have to bring home something
A box of raspberries, it’s on sale
Instant noodles, my best friend
Mushrooms, to balance my diet
A red wine?
Why not
Everybody needs it sometimes
if not all the time
It’s a beautiful evening
Cooling down after a whole day of sun
Music behind me
People drinking outside
Light traffic
All in distance
Glad I brought my vape
So that I can take some proper deep breathes
When I look back
Things turned out not bad
This time it will too
It will
I walk
And I wait
The monster is walking away
Spits me out
Leaves a massive shadow behind
I’m going to boil some water for the noodles
And open the wine
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